21st Century Spinster

I know that being MIA in the early stages of a blog doesn’t build confidence in my new found readers, but things come up. Things like school, the lamest of all excuses.  I was also spending aweome super fun-times with friends and a girl has got to have a social life doesn’t she.

But I am back, and on Valentine’s Day no less.  I know that it is a made up holiday celebrated only by those happily in love, but I can’t help but think of my own single-ness every time this time of year rolls around.  

 


How I'll be spending Valentine's Day.. You do remember June, right?



As with most women, I love Jane Austen novels.  And these are novels written in a time that I find to be so romantic that I have fallen in love with the actor who played a character in one of her books. 

Hiya sexy!

But what has really gotten me thinking was the idea of being single like every protagonist in each of her novels.

At the old age of 25, I am entering the beginning stages of spinsterhood and I wonder what it means to be single in the 21^st century.  I know that with books and movies like Bridget Jones Diary (based on the amazing Austen novel, Pride and Prejudice) and Sex and the City, you may consider it premature to put myself into the old maid category, but I can’t help but think that my dating days are slowly dwindling away.

First let’s get a little history on what exactly a spinster is.  According to Wikipedia, spinsters were actually single women that spun wool as this was the only means for a woman to earn money in those medieval times. And women who wanted to have some independence back then did not make good wife material. I don’t think a lot has really changed.  And given my predilection for yarn and making yarn goods, I feel that this traditional definition is not far off.

But even if a spinster is an older woman (usually past her child-bearing years) that is still unmarried, why such a negative connotation?  Women of the 21^st century are supposed to be strong and independent.  We can support ourselves without the help of a husband and we can have babies without sex.  That’s pretty damn impressive and something of a super power I would say. And yet, single women, of a certain age, are yet another marginalized group in modern society.

Even Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw get married. WTF?

I feel like everyone I know is married or getting married or in a such a long-term relationship they may as well be married.  Just the other day, I received a phone call from one of my best friends from college telling me that he just got engaged to his boyfriend of six years. After a “Mazel tov!” and “good-bye” I started thinking about how nice it would be to have that special someone who would willingly agree to spend the rest of their life with me.

I am not anti-marriage, or anti-love, or anti- anything that would allow another person to bring a smile to my face but I think my friends and definitely my family are starting to wonder when it is that I will be ready to do what is supposedly so natural.  I do want a family, hell, I would settle for just a sex partner for now, but I don’t know what’s holding me back exactly. I have a myriad of excuses and no real reason for it. 

I am 25 years old and have never been kissed.  Ok, so that’s not totally true.  I have kissed a boy, in college, who has just recently told me that he is engaged to his boyfriend of almost six years. Yeah, same boy.  But I’ve never had someone that I was totally into and who was totally into me (or even just thought I was ok) kiss me. And that is sad. And I know it’s my own fault.

And since I spend so much time with my married pals, the questions of babies pops up a lot. Though there are things about me that may be a bit underused, my biological clock is still ticking, and loudly at that.  

It seems to be saying, "boyfriend, husband, babies, SOMETHING!"

My parents don’t help matters when they mention some friend of theirs that just had another grandbaby, or when I go shopping with my mother for a baby shower and she mentions how much clothes she would get for a little tyke if only she had one to dress.  They’ve never really mastered subtle.

But I agree with them.  I do want babies, and since I’m a smart young woman, I know that being unemployed and living with my parents is no way to bring a baby into the world, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one.  And giving that I have a disease called PCOS and it may inhibit my chances of conceiving one naturally, I think that makes me even more eager to get started on this baby making thing. But there really is no danger of that anytime in the near future that I can foresee..

Anyway, I think I’ve depressed myself more now than when I started this post so I am going to go find my left over stash of Christmas candy and watch a marathon of Nicholas Sparks movies for the rest of tonight.

To those of you who are fortunate enough to spend the evening with someone who gets your heart a-jumping, CONGRATS! I hope to join your exclusive club someday.

Oh, before you go, meet Svetlana.  This Valentine was brought to me by the one person who will ever truly love me, my dear old mama.

She's an expert gymnast.

Listen Sammi. You are young, and there is still plenty of time to achieve all of the things that you want to do before you even need to think about settling down, especially with babies.  Remember that both Bridget and Carrie were in their 30s before they got married.  You need to forget about that life plan you made for yourself when you were 16 and the world was still your oyster.  Times have changed and you aren’t going to be married at 25 or have a baby by 27 and you certainly won’t be done with school before you are 30.  So let go of those ideals and make new ones that allow you to be happy now. And enjoy this damn life if it’s the only thing you ever do!